It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
