I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
