Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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