I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
do nipples grow back?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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