It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize