It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
