I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
