I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
