Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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