I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
