I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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