At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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