is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
