hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
