It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
