Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
