hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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