I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
