I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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