I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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