mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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