I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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