Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
