Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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