Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
