if only i could text you this smell
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
