So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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