I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am in a vortex of obligation.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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