Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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