woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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