Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
