One girl and one boy is just not enough.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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