im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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