my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
