you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
