It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
