Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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