my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
