i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
