If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
