your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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