So drunk its hurt
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
