oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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