I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
