She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
