I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Damn victory sex feels great
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