and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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