I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
