i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
