Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize