im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
