My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
