thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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