im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
