the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
