this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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