We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
