I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
