so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
