i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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