He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize