Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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