I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
