Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
