you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
