Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
