Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize