honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
