Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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