She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
