I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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