If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
