Me. At least after what I've been through.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I love you. Go after that dick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
