she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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