after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
