based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
