two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
