So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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