can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
