You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
