There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
