Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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