Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize