the condom got lost in my hair
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
